I do not feel brave, I feel robbed

Dear Delyara, People keep calling me strong and I want to scream. I had cancer. I went through treatment. I am still here. That is the version other people like because it sounds clean and uplifting and makes them comfortable around me. The truth is uglier. I am angry. I am angry at my body, at the mirror, at the tiredness, at the changed shape of my face, at the fear that still shows up every time I feel one strange pain or wait for one result. I am angry that even now, after treatment, people speak to me like I should be grateful and positive and inspiring. I am not inspiring. I am tired. I feel like something was stolen from me that no one knows how to name properly. Not just health. Innocence. Trust. Ease. The ability to wake up and feel ordinary inside my own body. Even on good days now, I am aware. I am measuring, checking, noticing, translating. I cannot just be. Everyone celebrates survival as if survival is the happy ending. They do not talk enough about what it feels like to survive and still grieve the person you used to be.