I Don’t Feel Innocent in My Body Anymore

Dear Delyara, A symptom is no longer only a symptom. A tired day is no longer only a tired day. A strange sensation doesn’t arrive empty. It arrives with history, fear, vigilance, memory of appointments, memory of waiting rooms, memory of the body becoming the center of too much attention in the wrong way. I miss innocence. I miss the old casualness. I miss not listening this hard. People think health fear is only intense in crisis. Sometimes it’s just low and constant, like a background hum that changes your whole relationship with your own skin. That is how it feels in me.