I Don’t Feel Pleasure Landing Fully Anymore

Dear Delyara, My daughter made me laugh at breakfast. The song I love came on in the car. My husband kissed my forehead. The sky was pink for five minutes over the trees. A friend texted something genuinely kind. And in every one of those moments, I felt the surface of the pleasure without the depth. Like I was touching life through glass. This isn’t depression exactly. Or maybe it is. I don’t know. What I know is that delight keeps arriving and I keep receiving it thinly. As if the channel between the world and my insides has narrowed from overuse. I’m frightened by how calmly I can describe this now. That calm feels like its own warning sign.