I Don’t Hate Many People, But the Ones I Do Still Live in My Body More Than I Want to Admit

Dear Delyara, There are some names that make my body change before my face does. Not because I am obsessed. Because harm leaves shape. The people who humiliated me. The ones who used power in mean, subtle ways. The ones who lied, bullied, diminished, or made me feel like my pain needed better manners before it could deserve room. I have explained them enough. Analysed them enough. Located the damage in context, trauma, personality, history, systems. And still, there are parts of me that simply hate what they did. I think women are pressured to process pain attractively. To heal it fast, speak of it wisely, make peace before peace has fully arrived. Some parts of me are not there. And I’m starting to think that admitting this honestly is cleaner than pretending I’ve turned everything into noble growth. Some injuries remain sharp. So do some feelings about the people who caused them. That is not pretty. It is real.