I don’t know when friendship became one more place I feel I have to perform steadiness

Dear Delyara, There are certain friends I can no longer come to half-formed. I need to know what I think first, what I feel first, how to explain it properly, what tone will make me easiest to hold. That is not friendship in the way I need it, but it has become familiar enough that I’m only now questioning it. Sometimes I want to arrive messy and still feel safe. I think that is what friendship should have been all along.