I Don’t Remember the Last Day My Shoulders Were Down

Dear Delyara, My shoulders were up near my ears again. Jaw tight. Teeth already clenched around tomorrow. And I realized I could not remember the last time my body had truly gone slack in a safe way, like it trusted the next hour not to bring anything. Stress has made permanent adjustments to me. That’s what scares me. I no longer “have stress.” I wear it. It lives in the top half of my body like somebody moved into my muscles and forgot to pay rent. By evening, even kindness can feel loud because everything in me is braced against noise I haven’t heard yet. I don’t think that’s normal. I think it has just become familiar.