I don’t think anyone fully knows how tired I actually am

Dear Delyara, People know I’m tired in the social way. They say things like “You do too much,” or “Make sure you rest,” or “You sound tired.” But I don’t think anyone fully understands the actual texture of it. How it feels in my body. How early it starts. How much effort it takes to stay warm and patient by evening. How frightening it is to keep functioning while privately feeling less and less like yourself in the life you are successfully maintaining. That kind of tiredness is very lonely. Because it looks manageable from outside. That is what makes it dangerous. If I were falling apart more visibly, maybe I would get more accurate care. But because I am still packing lunches, turning up to things, paying bills, replying to messages, and saying all the right words in the right order, I think people assume I’m “just busy.” I’m not just busy. I am overused in ways I no longer know how to explain without sounding dramatic.