I don’t think this job is only tiring me — I think it is reducing me

Dear Delyara, I can feel it happening. Not in one dramatic collapse. In smaller, daily humiliations. The way I edit myself before speaking. The way I rehearse simple emails. The way I carry disrespect home and let it sit at the table with my family. The way I no longer feel straightforward inside professional spaces because part of me is always trying to avoid becoming a problem person in someone else’s eyes. I don’t think work is just exhausting me. I think it is training me to become less of myself in exchange for income. That terrifies me more than having a bad manager or a hard week. Because if I stay long enough, I’m not sure how much of that shrinking will start to feel like personality instead of damage.