I Don’t Trust a Quiet Body

Dear Delyara, When there are no symptoms, no pain, no strange sensations, no obvious body problem, part of me still doesn’t fully relax. Instead, I start waiting. Watching. Listening in the wrong way. As if quiet is not peace but the pause before information. That is what health fear has done. It has removed innocence from silence. It has made me suspicious of my own body even on good days. I miss being able to say, “I feel fine,” without checking whether I really mean it or whether fear is simply momentarily bored. That is a miserable way to live in a body. Still, it is the truth.