I Don’t Trust My Own Alarm

Dear Delyara, If I feel strongly about something, I immediately start arguing with myself. Maybe it’s real. Maybe it’s old fear. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe it’s intuition. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s burnout. Maybe I need to act. Maybe I need sleep. Maybe I’m making meaning where there is only exhaustion. By the time I’ve gone through all of that, the feeling itself is buried under interpretation. That is the confusing part. Not that I lack intelligence. That I am drowning in too many competing explanations for my own life. It makes action harder. It makes rest harder. It makes trust hardest of all.