I Don’t Trust “Probably Fine” Anymore

Dear Delyara, That used to be enough for me. Probably fine. Probably stress. Probably nothing. Probably hormones. Probably tiredness. Probably one of those things. Now “probably” feels like a room with no chairs. I can’t rest in it. Once my body has frightened me hard enough, uncertainty stopped sounding neutral and started sounding like risk in plain clothes. So I listen too hard. Google too much. Wait badly. Carry fear into normal afternoons while still making sandwiches and folding towels and showing up to work. I miss the version of myself who could hear “probably fine” and actually receive comfort from it. She is gone. Or buried. I don’t know which is worse.