I drink mouthwash when the liquor stores are closed

Dear Delyara, I am a dentist, and I drink mouthwash after my wife falls asleep. I know exactly what it contains, what it can do to the liver, and how absurd it is for someone with my education to stand in a bathroom swallowing antiseptic from a paper cup. Still, when the liquor stores close and my hands begin shaking, the blue bottle becomes an answer. At work, patients compliment my steady hands. I schedule complicated procedures early because by afternoon I am thinking about alcohol. Last week, I told a patient to reduce her drinking because it was damaging her gums. She thanked me for being honest. That night, I finished two bottles of mouthwash and replaced them before my wife noticed. She thinks I have gastritis. My daughter is applying to dental school and says she wants to become like me. I have become skilled at diagnosing decay while hiding my own. Every morning, I promise I will stop before the first patient arrives. By evening, I am measuring poison with the same precision I use for anesthetic.