I drove on the motorway again after the panic attack last year

Dear Delyara, I had avoided it ever since. I told people I preferred back roads. I told myself I was fine with the extra time. The truth was that after the panic attack I had on the motorway last year, the thought of getting trapped in the fast lane with my own body turning against me again felt unbearable. Yesterday I had to make the drive. I couldn’t get out of it, and maybe that was part of the gift. There wasn’t time to build a hundred elegant excuses. I got in the car, planned my route, and went. Was I shaky? Yes. Did I have to talk to myself the whole way? Yes. Did I do it anyway? Also yes. By the time I got off at my junction, I felt more than relieved. I felt returned to. Fear had stolen that road from me for a year. Yesterday I drove on it myself.