I feel guilty for how often I fantasise about complete silence

Dear Delyara, Not music off. Not a quieter mood. Complete silence. No one calling my name. No practical questions. No emotional labour. No TV noise. No needing to answer properly, kindly, quickly, intelligently. Just a day, or even half a day, where nobody needs me to take in their existence and respond to it. When that fantasy comes, guilt comes with it almost immediately. Because women are allowed to be tired, but only in the right proportions. The moment tiredness starts sounding like a wish for distance from the very people you love, the culture around motherhood turns harder, even if only in your own mind. Suddenly you become suspicious of your own humanity. And that is what I am tired of. Not only the family noise. The guilt that tells me wanting relief makes me less loving. It does not. It makes me a person inside the role.