I feel guilty for how often motherhood makes me want a door between me and everyone else

Dear Delyara, There are evenings where I want silence with a physical desperation that almost embarrasses me. No more questions. No more “Mum.” No more touching, asking, deciding, finding, explaining. Just one closed door and the feeling of not belonging to anybody for a while. And the second that wish rises, guilt arrives to punish it. As if loving deeply should make me endlessly absorbent. As if needing space from the people I would protect with everything I have is proof that I am not maternal enough, generous enough, psychologically healthy enough, something enough. I know exhaustion explains a lot. It doesn’t always stop shame. Not in mothers.