I feel lonelier when I have to sound fine

Dear Delyara, I can answer kindly, work properly, sound normal, keep a conversation going, ask about other people’s lives, and still feel the loneliness growing in me because none of it touches what I actually am that day. Some part of me remains outside the exchange, carrying itself, waiting for contact that never really arrives. That makes “fine” a very lonely word. Because most of the time when I say it, what I mean is: I do not have the energy, the time, or the trust to explain what is really happening in me. And once I’ve said it, the moment for truth usually passes.