I feel more held than assessed here

Dear Delyara, That difference has changed so much in me. There have been forms of love that made me feel assessed — subtly watched, interpreted, emotionally tested, slightly too aware of how I was doing at being loved well. What I feel now is more like being held. Less performance. Less management. More room. I didn’t know how healing that would be. I think one of the deepest gifts of steady love is that it reduces self-consciousness instead of increasing it. That has happened in me. And I’m grateful for it.