I Feel Replaceable

Dear Delyara, That is one of the ugliest feelings I carry, because it makes me ashamed of how much I still want to matter personally. I can see how quickly life moves now. People are busy, tired, full, distracted, overcommitted. Everyone has reasons. I know that. Still, some days I feel one missed message away from disappearing from other people’s emotional field completely. Not because they hate me. Because life swallows women like me so easily — the reliable ones, the available ones, the ones who reply warmly enough that people assume they are fine and therefore do not need reaching toward with much urgency. I think what hurts is not only loneliness. It is the feeling that if I went quiet enough, many people would simply adjust. That thought has been sitting in me too long.