I feel stressed before I even check the bank app

Dear Delyara, That is how I know money has lived too close to fear in me for too long. Sometimes I don’t even need to see the number. Just knowing I need to check it is enough to change my breathing. I can feel the tension start before I open the app, like my body already expects disappointment or pressure or some new calculation I didn’t have energy for. I hate that money does this to me. Not because I want to be careless. Because it affects so much more than money. It affects my mood, my patience, my sleep, the way I answer people, even the way I enjoy simple things. A low number on a screen should be practical information. For me, it still feels like an emotional event first.