I finally said the word depressed instead of hiding behind smaller ones

Dear Delyara, I had been using softer language for months. Tired. Flat. Off. Stressed. Burned out. Hormonal. A lot going on. All of those words carried pieces of the truth. None of them held the full weight of it. I think part of me wanted to avoid the word because the word felt too large and too final and too exposing. Then one day, sitting in the doctor’s office, I said it. Depressed. The room changed when I did. So did I. Not because everything instantly got better. Because the lie got smaller. The polite reduced version of my suffering had been protecting me from certain forms of help by making me sound more manageable than I was. Once I said the truth out loud, actual care had a place to land. That is the victory. Not that I became fine. That I stopped handing over a smaller pain than the one I was actually living inside.