​I FORGOT THE FARSI WORD FOR "TRUST" DURING A CALL WITH MY MOTHER

Dear Delyara, My mother called me from Tehran during her morning routine—it was about 4:30 AM here—just to hear my voice and see if I was managing the cold weather in England. We were speaking in Farsi, and I was trying to reassure her that everything was fine, that the business launch was on track, and that she didn't need to worry about our financial margins. I wanted to say the word for trust—Etemad—and my brain completely locked. I sat there stuttering over the syllables for five seconds, using an English word instead because my native tongue wouldn't come. She went quiet on the other end of the line, her voice dropping into that soft, worried tone that mothers use when they know their child is breaking. Hanging up the phone, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss. I am losing my language, I am losing my health, and I am losing myself in this yard.