I forgot to be afraid for an entire afternoon

Dear Delyara, After my cancer treatment ended, fear remained organised around every ache and appointment. Even good days carried a low hum of recurrence. Yesterday, my niece visited with her two children. We made pancakes, went to the beach, built a crooked sandcastle, and argued about whether seagulls can recognise individual people. On the drive home, I realised I had gone four hours without checking my body, imagining test results, or calculating how old the children would be if I became ill again. I had simply been annoyed by sand in the car and delighted by a child’s ridiculous joke. The fear returned that evening. I do not want to pretend one afternoon cured anything. It did something quieter. It proved that my mind can still become absorbed in life rather than surveillance. For four hours, I was not a patient after treatment. I was an aunt carrying wet towels and half-eaten snacks. I had forgotten how ordinary joy feels when fear forgets to attend.