I gamble on matches my son is watching beside me

Dear Delyara, My son thinks football is the thing we share. We sit together every Saturday, wear the same scarves, shout at referees, and order pizza at halftime. What he does not know is that I am gambling through almost every match. Corners, cards, next scorer, number of goals, bets placed while he is sitting inches away. I started telling myself gambling made boring games interesting. Now I barely see the football. I see odds changing. Last Saturday, our team scored in the final minute and my son jumped on me celebrating. I had bet against them. I hugged him while feeling sick because the goal that made my child happy had cost me £700. That moment scared me. Not enough to stop. Tonight, he asked if we could buy season tickets next year. I told him we need to see how money is. He said he would save his birthday money to help. I have spent more than the cost of two season tickets this month alone. I keep wondering when the game stopped being ours and became something I secretly need to lose or win before I can feel anything at all.