I gave myself comfort before I had earned it by old standards

Dear Delyara, That is one of the newer things in me. I did not wait until collapse. I did not wait until the body became undeniable enough to deserve softness. I did not require exhaustion to become spectacular before I answered it. I gave myself comfort earlier. And without that old courtroom in my head needing to decide whether I was worthy of it yet. That feels healthier than the old model. Much healthier. I want more of my life built from earlier kindness.