I Had A Whole Evening Where Tomorrow Did Not Climb Into The Bed With Me

Dear Delyara, That is rare enough now that I noticed it like an event. No lists in the head. No budget calculations. No rehearsed future arguments. No school bag. No work email. No “must remember.” No trying to manage tomorrow emotionally before tomorrow had even arrived. Just a quiet body in a quiet room. I think people underestimate the violence of constant mental forward movement. How it eats evenings. How it colonises sleep before sleep has even begun. How it convinces women that pre-suffering is responsibility. Tonight, I didn’t do it. Or not much. And the relief felt almost physical, like I had been given part of my own life back in time rather than in advice.