I had one stretch of time where tomorrow stopped rehearsing itself inside my body

Dear Delyara, No planning. No budget thoughts. No future dread in tidy clothes. No “must remember.” No pre-living tomorrow’s discomfort as if that would somehow protect me from it. Just one still hour. My body in a chair. My mind in the same room. No leaning ahead. No chasing behind. No trying to catch myself before anything bad could happen. That felt more than restful. It felt like recovery from the habit of mental urgency itself. I think I underestimate how much of my exhaustion is not from what happens, but from how much I habitually lean toward what might happen next. That hour taught me that.