I hate how waiting can become the main emotional event of a whole week

Dear Delyara, A result, a reply, a decision, a call, an answer — whatever form it takes, waiting has a way of colonising the edges of everything else. Meals still happen, work still happens, family still happens, but the waiting sits underneath all of it like a low electrical sound. That’s what I resent. Not only not knowing. The amount of life it can drain while technically nothing has happened yet. I am not good at uncertainty. My mind does not leave it untouched. It rehearses, prepares, fills in, organizes, braces, interprets. By the time the answer comes, I am often already tired in ways I cannot easily explain.