I hate that money can still make me feel like a child pretending to be an adult

Dear Delyara, That is the emotional age of me when I’m scared about money. Not the age on my passport. Something younger. Less solid. Less certain. As if all the practical competence I show in other parts of life can be undone by one low balance or one badly timed cost. I resent that. Not because I think money should be irrelevant. Because I think my dignity should remain steadier around it than this. The truth is, when financial pressure gets close, I can feel my whole self-concept wobble. I become less generous, less playful, less relaxed, less emotionally available. Not only because of the actual numbers. Because of the shame and fear they trigger. It’s hard to feel fully adult when a bill can still rearrange your insides this fast.