I hate what illness has taken from me

Dear Delyara, I am tired of pretending the loss is noble. People like recovery stories when they sound inspiring. They like progress, gratitude, bravery, resilience, all the tidy words that make sickness easier for other people to look at. What they don’t really want is the ugly truth, which is that I feel robbed. Robbed of energy. Robbed of confidence. Robbed of the old version of my body that could just do things without negotiation and fear and consequences later. I hate planning simple things around fatigue. I hate being told I “look well” when I feel fragile and altered and furious. I hate how much of me now has to be managed. I am not inspired by my recovery. I am tired by it. I want my body back in a way language never quite captures.