I have started writing my children’s names inside my shoes

Dear Delyara, I have early-onset dementia. I am forty-nine. The neurologist used the words gently, but there is no gentle arrangement of them. At first, I forgot appointments and repeated stories. Now I occasionally lose familiar names for several seconds. My children are fourteen and seventeen. I have begun writing their names inside my shoes with permanent marker: Emma, left shoe; Jonah, right shoe. It is ridiculous because I still know exactly who they are. I know Emma hates tomatoes and Jonah lies about cleaning his room. I know which child needed stitches at six and which one could not sleep without a hallway light. Still, last week I looked at an old school photograph and could not immediately remember Jonah’s name. It came back within moments. Nobody else noticed. I went to the bathroom and vomited. My husband says writing names in shoes will not prevent the disease. I know. I am not trying to cure anything. I think I am leaving instructions for the future version of myself in places she will have to look every morning. Put on your shoes. Read their names. These are your children. Love them even if the word for love becomes easier to find than the word for who they are.