I have trained for the exam but cannot book it

Dear Delyara, I have studied for the accountancy qualification for four years while working full-time and raising two children. I have passed every practice paper. My tutor says I am ready. The exam booking page has been open on my laptop for three weeks. I cannot press confirm. The fee is £285, money we can afford only if I pass and eventually earn more. If I fail, the amount will become groceries I took from my family to prove I was not capable. My husband says we will find the money again. He does not understand that the cost is not only financial. I have told everyone I am building a new career. Booking the exam turns that story into a test that can answer back. As long as I keep preparing, I remain a woman with potential. Once I sit the exam, I become either qualified or exposed. I know this is fear. Knowing its name has not moved my hand.