I Heard Her Footsteps and Pretended to Be Asleep

Dear Delyara, I walked up the stairs after getting home this morning, and I heard the floorboards creak in the bedroom. She was awake, getting ready for her day just as mine was ending. Instead of walking in to say good morning or hold her hand, I slipped into the spare room, closed my eyes, and breathed slowly, pretending to be completely dead to the world when she knocked gently on the door. I did it because I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed of how tired I look, how defeated I feel, and how our conversations have turned into a cold list of household logistics. I didn't want her to look into my eyes and see the fear I'm carrying about our financial margins. I lay there in the dark, listening to her walk downstairs and leave the house, feeling like a complete stranger in my own marriage.