I heard my own voice get too cheerful and knew I was covering something

Dear Delyara, I was speaking to another mum at school pickup, and I could hear it happen as it was happening — that brighter tone I slip into when I am trying not to let the deeper mood show. Not false exactly. More like emotional concealer. We talked about clubs, packed lunches, weather, one teacher everyone is vaguely afraid of, all the usual things. I smiled, said the right things, even laughed. Then I got back in the car and felt instantly flat. I think the performance of functioning can cost more than the actual functioning some days. That is what I felt in the silence afterward. Not the conversation itself. The little extra self I had to create in order to move through it cleanly.