I heard myself say “that’s fine” when it wasn’t

Dear Delyara, The sentence came out so automatically it scared me a little. That’s fine. It wasn’t a disaster. But it wasn’t fine either. It cost me something. It irritated me. It pressed on a part of me that was already raw. And still, before I even fully knew what I felt, the social version of me had already spoken. That’s fine. I think I’m too practiced at smoothing the moment before I’ve even checked whether smoothing it is honest. That makes life look easier than it feels. It also makes me lonelier inside it.