I hid in the locker room before the championship

Dear Delyara, I am the captain of my college basketball team, and before today’s championship game I locked myself in a bathroom stall because I could not breathe. My teammates thought I was listening to music alone, part of my usual routine. The truth is, I have had panic attacks before every important game this season. I vomit, shake, lose feeling in my fingertips, and then walk onto the court while thousands of people call me confident. Today, one of the freshman players found me. She did not ask whether I was okay. She sat on the floor outside the stall and said, “You don’t have to be captain in here.” That sentence broke me. I told her the truth. She counted my breathing until my hands stopped shaking, then walked beside me to the court without telling anyone. We won by four points. Reporters asked how I stayed calm under pressure. I said we trusted one another. It sounded like a sports answer, but it was the most honest thing I could say. The trophy is in the locker room tonight. What I keep thinking about is one nineteen-year-old sitting on a dirty floor, protecting me from the person everyone believed I had to be.