I Hide in Delay

Dear Delyara, I delay things I care about in very respectable language. I say I’m thinking. Preparing. Waiting for the right moment. Needing a clearer head. Needing stronger work. Needing better timing. Needing more certainty. Sometimes those things are true. Often they are fear wearing a blouse and good manners. Because as long as I am preparing, I am still safe from reality. Still safe from being judged, overlooked, rejected, or simply discovered to be more ordinary than my secret hopes can bear. That is the truth. Delay protects me from visible disappointment. It also keeps me from visible becoming. And I am so tired of this bargain.