I Keep Hoping Someone Will Catch the Small Shift

Dear Delyara, The quieter laugh. The slower reply. The way my face goes flat at the edges when I’m trying hard to stay socially acceptable. The way I stop sending first and start waiting to see who notices. The one-syllable answers. The excuse about being tired when the truth is much larger and much less convenient. I keep hoping someone will catch the shift and come closer before I become obvious. That hope is humiliating. It feels young in me. Still, it’s there. And when no one catches it, I feel abandoned in a way I can’t explain without sounding unreasonable. But I know the real pain isn’t silence. It’s watching your own hope for intimacy go unanswered over and over in tiny ways.