I Keep Telling Myself I’ll Begin When I’m Less Tired

Dear Delyara, That woman never arrives. The less-tired woman. The clearer woman. The braver woman. The woman with more margin and less shame and a cleaner house and a stronger body and a more certain voice and a better mood and enough sleep to start being fully herself. I keep waiting for her. And while I wait, the life I say I want stays filed under later. I am starting to suspect I do not need more time. I need a different relationship with fear. But fear is so respectable in my life. It sounds like prudence. Timing. Motherhood. Financial intelligence. Emotional maturity. Sometimes it is. Too often it is simply a locked door with better branding.