I Keep Treating My Real Dreams Like a Fire Escape

Dear Delyara, Something I’ll use later. If I need it. If things get bad enough. If the current version of my life finally becomes too small to survive. That’s how I think about what I actually want. Not as a life I’m building. As an emergency exit I keep reassuring myself exists so I can stay in rooms I’ve already outgrown a little longer. I hate that. Because it means I am still arranging my truest desires around damage control instead of devotion. It means I’m planning from fear. It means I have turned hope into contingency. I want to want differently. I just don’t know how to stop being practical long enough to let that happen.