I keep trying to emotionally outrun things that haven’t even started yet

Dear Delyara, I prepare for outcomes before there are actual outcomes. I build internal responses before there is news. I brace before impact. It’s as if my mind believes that if I can arrive at fear early enough, fear won’t get the satisfaction of catching me unaware. It never works like that. All it does is spend tomorrow’s strength today. And then when tomorrow comes, I am already tired. I know this. But knowledge is slow and reflex is fast.