I keep trying to emotionally outsmart what hasn’t happened yet

Dear Delyara, As if anticipation could become protection. If I imagine enough scenarios, rehearse enough responses, prepare enough emotional explanations, maybe I won’t be caught off guard when the future finally chooses one. That logic feels ridiculous written down. It feels extremely convincing while I’m inside it. Uncertainty turns me into someone always leaning forward, trying to meet pain before pain has fully formed. That is such a tiring posture.