I kept hoping history would compensate for the lack of consistency

Dear Delyara, I think that was one of my biggest mistakes. I let history do too much emotional labor. I assumed that because we had once been close, the present should be interpreted more generously than it deserved. I kept thinking history meant the inconsistency wasn’t as real as it felt, or at least not as serious. But history cannot do the work of current care forever. At some point, the present tells the truth louder. By the time I let myself hear it, I was already lonely enough that the ending felt like both injury and relief. That combination is hard to grieve cleanly.