I kept waiting to feel more available to myself

Dear Delyara, That was the undertone of the day. I was present enough for life, but not fully present enough for myself. I could feel that familiar distance — the one where I’m answering, moving, speaking, doing what needs to be done, while some quieter part of me remains a step behind, not fully caught up. I kept thinking I’d return to myself properly by afternoon. Then by evening. Then after some quiet. Maybe I’m still returning. Maybe some days are just like that. Half-arrived. Half-withheld. Still trying to come home internally.