I Knew Earlier Than I Admitted

Dear Delyara, I knew work was hurting me before I said it. I knew certain relationships were one-sided before I named them. I knew money fear was changing me before I let myself call it damage. I knew I was lonelier than I sounded. I knew my body was more exhausted than I kept pretending. I knew earlier. That is where regret lives now — not only in what happened, but in how long I helped things continue by translating myself into smaller truths than the ones I was actually living inside. I’m not saying I should have been perfect. I’m saying I abandoned my own knowing too often. And that hurts to face.