I Knew It Was a Problem Before I Admitted It

Dear Delyara, There’s a phase before honesty where you already know. That was the hardest phase for me. Before I called it addiction, before I spoke about it out loud, before I changed anything — I already knew. I knew because of the way I reached for it. I knew because of the relief. I knew because I defended it too quickly when anyone questioned it. I knew because I could feel how much of my emotional structure had started leaning on it. But knowing something privately and admitting it publicly are two very different kinds of truth. I stayed in between those two truths for too long.