I knew it was becoming something before I admitted it

Dear Delyara, There is a terrible middle stage before honesty. That stage where you already know, privately, that something is no longer harmless, but you still refuse to name it clearly because naming it would mean responsibility. I stayed in that stage for too long. I told myself it was just a way to cope. Just a rough patch. Just something I could stop anytime. Just stress relief. Just my own business. But deep down I knew that anything I reached for because I couldn’t bear my own mind deserved more honesty than I was giving it. That is the hardest part to admit now — not that I struggled, but that I knew I was sliding and still kept finding softer words for it.