I knew the friendship was dying when I stopped feeling relaxed after hearing her name

Dear Delyara, Nothing dramatic happened. No big betrayal, no explosive ending, no clean story I could tell to make sense of it. It was slower than that. Her name would come up on my phone and instead of warmth I’d feel tension. Instead of ease, I’d feel caution. Instead of wanting contact, I’d feel the need to prepare for it. That was when I knew something had already gone. I think friendship dies in the body before it dies in the messages. The body knows when a connection is no longer restful. It knows when every interaction now carries too much management, too much guessing, too much self-monitoring. I miss what it was. But more than that, I miss the version of me who felt free there.