I know a friendship is changing when I start needing recovery after it

Dear Delyara, There were friendships that left me fuller, lighter, more myself. Now there are one or two where I notice something else after the call or after the coffee: recovery. Not huge, not theatrical, but real. A small exhale. A return to myself. A feeling that I had been slightly angled or reduced or too careful during the time together. That is useful information. Also sad. Because once I notice that pattern, I can’t fully return to innocence about the connection. I know now that part of me is working in that friendship instead of resting inside it, and that changes what closeness means. I wish it didn’t. It does.