I know how to continue more easily than I know how to desire

Dear Delyara, Continuation is easy for me. Not easy emotionally. Easy structurally. I know how to keep moving even when the inner connection to what I’m doing has weakened. I know how to stay functional long after desire has thinned. That ability has helped me survive. It has also made it harder to notice when the fire underneath things is no longer what it was. I miss cleaner wanting. More direct wanting. Wanting that comes from aliveness instead of maintenance. That absence feels important now.