I know I’m off, but I don’t always know where to touch it first

Dear Delyara, That is one of the most exhausting emotional states for me. If I knew I was sad, maybe I could grieve. If I knew I was angry, maybe I could speak. If I knew I was lonely, maybe I could reach. If I knew I was simply tired, maybe I could rest. But confusion is murkier than that. It is wrongness without sharp edges. A slightly altered internal atmosphere where something is clearly not right, but the usual pathways of care do not know where to begin. I think some of my hardest days are not the most painful ones. They are the vaguest ones. Because pain at least gives you a direction. Confusion only gives you weather.